Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconintroverted-ghost: More from introverted-ghost


Featured in Collections

Writing by MatieuCanadaWilliams

Literature by chromeantennae


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
June 10
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
243
Favourites
26 (who?)
Comments
7
×
it's 4:06 a.m and
eleanor has developed an
inferiority
complex within her stardust confines.

oxygen shimmies, lung
glitter on display,
cascades
into the hidden places between her lips.

an owl screeches and
it tears at her inner workings until they
bleed
grey rust and breed dichotomy.

anxiety triples beneath
the weight of the moon and
society
presses on her temples until they collapse.

the world touches her irises
and arches its belly into her memory
palace
until she wakes coherent and pale.

it is 6:04 a.m and
eleanor has developed a taste for the
whimsical
falsehood within dreams.
Full title: don't name your daughter eleanor, you'll lose her in dreams.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconadrolyn:
Between its time-fixed beginning and ending, this poem's few stanzas provide a deep well of dreams. In a way, each stanza can stand on its own - further enhancing the feeling that we are fleeting from one dream to another, with only hints about content.

This poem rises about the typical "what I dreamt last night" theme in that it doesn't really tell a story so much as it just touches on the images, leaving the reader to fill in these gaps with their own imagination. Such is the duty of the poet.

The dream-like quality of this lets me rate it high in Vision and Originality. Some of :iconecholalic-ellie: poetry might be more emotionally raw or have a higher impact, but all-around I find this to be an excellent work.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014   Writer
Yes. I feel this. I have been there. 

Also-- I love your use of "irises." I've never thought about using it and you do it beautifully.
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2014   Writer
:tighthug:

Awh, thank you. :heart:
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014   Writer
Welcome. :heart:
Reply
:iconkathryn-walt:
Kathryn-Walt Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014
Oh, this is beautiful. My only critique might be that I thought the fifth stanza was a little superfluous, and that the piece might be a little stronger without it, but this is such a wonderful piece either way. I especially love that opening--caught me right away. :)
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014   Writer
I'll have to give that some consideration. Thank you. :heart:
Reply
:iconshiningsteel:
ShiningSteel Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful. :rose: I love how you can bring your thoughts your life.
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014   Writer
Thank you. :heart:
Reply
Add a Comment: