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she could have been a violin;

born a week too late, she had
melancholy in her bones: doctor lizbet
took time out of her schedule to pluck her
newborn strings - calloused sanitation against
mottled pink-and-yellow flesh & thrashing limbs.

in three more years, she will have
nothing in her bones at all: doctor estair
diagnosed her with iatrophobia to fuel her
instinctive chords - ripple-free shells of liquid
lobotomy & a capsule to callous her pink-and-yellow
flesh against the thought of just getting over it all.

ten years after that, her mother will
find her face down and thrashing: her dust
bunny bones will flex as she retches up her memories
for display - lawyers will spend the next few years pawing
through them with clawed hands and heaving breathing until
one day, they find lizbet and estair huddled amid the rubble of her bones.
I would appreciate any thoughts or opinions you may have.

-

Collaboration with the lovely *Rainyhawaii who found this scrap [link] and decided it was worth working on with me. :heart:
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-10-01
The Problem With Elia. by *Echolalic-Ellie ( Suggested by BloodshotInk and Featured by inknalcohol )

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconlivewire-moon:
livewire-moon Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
wowowowowowow 
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2014   Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icontangled-tales:
Tangled-Tales Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
LOVE THE WORD CHOICE AND FLOW! Well-done. The picture painted is beautiful~
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014   Writer
Thank you. :heart:
Reply
:iconmattiello:
Mattiello Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Professional Writer
This really is quite amazing!  
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014   Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconmattiello:
Mattiello Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Professional Writer
No problem. :D
Reply
:iconmatieucanadawilliams:
MatieuCanadaWilliams Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Reply
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i love the idea of dust bunny bones :) 
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013   Writer
It conjures a pretty image, I think.
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:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
it really does. gets you thinking about the fragility of oneself 
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013   Writer
:nod:
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:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This was beautiful, despite the topic. Fantastic writing indeed, and congratulations to both of you on a very well deserved DD.
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013   Writer
Thank you. :bow:
Reply
:iconemeraldeyes14:
EmeraldEyes14 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Okay so
I am confused
are you saying the doctors poisoned her???
" lawyers will spend the next few years pawing/ through [her memories] with clawed hands and heaving breathing until/ one day, they find lizbet and estair huddled amid the rubble of her bones."
So their hiding from the lawyers in the main evidence, the bones? Is that it? But why would they do that?
The idea of a violin also makes me think that she is being manipulated, "pluck her/ newborn strings" doesn't sound good.

Anyone agree with me or have their own interpretation?

Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer

Your interpretation is very interesting, but not what I intended. Lizbet and Estair molested her.

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:iconemeraldeyes14:
EmeraldEyes14 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, thanks for the clarifaction. Very complex poem for sure, as well as very vivid images and emotions. One of the best poems I've seen in quite a while. ^^
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013   Writer
Thank you.
Reply
:iconemeraldeyes14:
EmeraldEyes14 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
By "why would they do that" I mean why would they poison her not why would they hide.
Reply
:iconkondoisami:
KondoIsami Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013
Its a poem done in a mostly fantastic/artistic style. There isnt much of a plot to question. (Its anyones guess what the story is about and im sure thats what the author wants, you to guess what the story is about)
Reply
:icongalacticpink:
galacticpink Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't really get it, but I still enjoyed it! It's really visual and feeling!

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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconv-espertine:
v-espertine Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013
:hug:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconadrolyn:
Adrolyn Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
=)  I knew I fav'd that scrap for a reason.  Congratulations awesome writer girl.
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
Thank you! :nuu:
Reply
:icona-lovely-anxiety:
A-Lovely-Anxiety Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
congrats on the dd! :heart:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Student General Artist
I hope that it does... it's beautiful, *Echolalic-Ellie!
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
Thank you! :heart:
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:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconsrcpcsoha:
srcpcsoha Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Congrats on the DD! have a good day :)
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
Thank you! You too!
Reply
:iconsrcpcsoha:
srcpcsoha Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Student Digital Artist
you're welcome!
Reply
:iconwildbeasttamerdoesmc:
WildBeastTamerdoesMC Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013
:3
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
:hug:
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:iconwildbeasttamerdoesmc:
WildBeastTamerdoesMC Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013
:3
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:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Student Writer
Congratulations on the DD!:clap:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! :la:
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:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Student Writer
Of course! You deserved it!:nod:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013   Writer
:)
Reply
:iconender-panda13:
Ender-Panda13 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
congrats on the DD!

I think like Elia is a tree or wood...just my thought.
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer

Thank you so much!

 

I'm not sure. I think it's pretty, though. :meow:

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:iconender-panda13:
Ender-Panda13 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
it defiantly is! <3
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:iconayeaye12:
AyeAye12 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Student Writer
Great stuff, but is "bunny bones" meant to be that or is it meant to be funny bones?
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
It's meant to be that way. :nod:
Reply
:iconmune-san:
Mune-san Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
it says dust bunny, so i think it refers to small piles of dust and cobweb.
ouo)b
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:iconmruki:
mruki Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
wonderful! congrats on the dd :clap:
Reply
:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! :hug:
Reply
:iconrafun1312:
rafun1312 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i don't quite get the message - which is really not unusual with poetry - but it reads very nice. I've read it three times now and it has a wonderfull flow to it, except for the "heaving breathing" in the second to last line. Somehow I keep stumbling over that. 
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